Shy people instinctively know they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure, and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling…but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.
The formula for shyness is “too much focus on the self” plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy, you experience physical sensations which “hijack” your calm, logical self.
How Shyness is Developed and Maintained:
Shyness is really a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness, you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply conditions the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.
Relaxed socializing is an advantage denied to many until they learn how to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:
7 Tips to Soothe Shyness:
- Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It’s that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.
- Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also “dilutes” social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.
- Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a yes/no response such as, “What do you like about this place?” rather than, “Do you like this place?” Once they’ve answered, use “add-on” questions connected to the first one, such as: “‘What other places do you like in this city?” Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn’t “take,” then no matter, you’ve done your bit.
- Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That’s how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I’ve long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me – it’s just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.
- Stop using “all or nothing” thinking. The “completely this/completely that” style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry, or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is “right” and you are “‘wrong”; the depressed person feels like a “failure” while others are “successful.”. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the “wrong” thing! Or, that people will “hate” you. Once you start to relax more socially, you’ll notice much less black and white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.
- Take your time. You don’t have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you, take time to consider your response (within reason). Don’t just blurt out what you think might be the “‘right” answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.
- Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed. This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact, you’ll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough while hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others, you’ll reach the point where you just can’t be shy any more! This is what I call a “‘happy inability!”
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE:
Overcome shyness now at HypnosisDownloads.com.Article by Mark Tyrrell of Hypnosis Downloads.com.
Many people seek happiness from outside sources. They feel that things like money, a better job, and better relationships will make them happy. To find true contentment, you must look within and learn to be your own best friend. That means you have to trust, love, and care for yourself just as you do with the people closest to you.
If you incorporate the following steps into your life, you will be happier and feel more empowered:
1. Begin to lift yourself up, not put yourself down. If you don’t like something about yourself, work to change it. If you can’t change it, simply accept it. Don’t beat yourself up with negative self-talk. You’re not likely to change for the better when you fill yourself with negative thoughts.
2. Give yourself positive rewards. When you do something wonderful, give yourself a small reward. Don’t wait for others to praise you because you may grow resentful if the praise doesn’t come. Pat your own back! It’s a great feeling that can stay with you for a long time.
3. Forgive yourself. You would never continue to scold a child over and over for making a mistake…so don’t do that to yourself. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness when you make a mistake. After that, figure out what lesson you have learned, and use it to make better choices the next time.
4. Enjoy your successes. Most people can remember all of the details of depressing, painful, or even embarrassing events that happened many years ago. What if you did the same thing with all of your wins? Try to remember all of the triumphs and accomplishments in your life and recall that memory at least once a week.
5. Remember to celebrate your uniquely incredible qualities! You will soon discover that the more you love yourself, the more you will be able to give love to others – and the more others will be able to love you!
Next Steps:
For more help, instantly access your Journey To Joy Book for a happier and more fulfilled you. This inspiring eBook with accompanying audio recordings, worksheets, and easy-to-apply action steps shows you how to take back the joy in your life.
Most of us enjoy a lazy day when we can sleep in, putz around and just relax a little – and our kids are no different. However, when the dog days of summer come, some teens take that one “couch out” day and stretch it over an entire summer break. Here are some tips to combat summertime teen laziness and keep your teen active and engaged.
Communicate Expectations – Tell your teen in a nonthreatening but firm manner that you will not accept their staying in bed all morning and afternoon. It is perfectly reasonable to ask that they get up at a decent hour. Explain that you want them to do more than merely watch TV, play video games, or visit social networking sites all day.
If your teen wants you to help pay for their summer activities, they should be willing to abide by a few summer guidelines. Set an age appropriate, specific time that you expect them to be home, based upon the level of trust they have earned. Ask them to take on a couple of extra chores during the summer to earn some pocket money. These chores could be for you or someone else, but make sure they go above and beyond the normal, everyday chores that every member of the family should be expected to do.
Get Them Engaged – Whether you ask them to help you more around the house, participate in volunteer activities in the community, or help them get a job, you want them to be engaged in something worthwhile. Give them encouragement to help at a YMCA, children’s program, or nursing home. They may find they truly enjoy these volunteer activities and you will help them appreciate the joys of serving others that will last a lifetime.
Help them find volunteer positions by calling around to local places of worship, daycares, charities, or nursing homes. Local businesses may be hiring summer help; offer to help them find a job to earn some extra money. This will help them learn to manage money, but will also help them realize the value of their time. If they get paid by the hour, they might be less likely to fritter their time away.
Spend Family Time – Avoid giving lectures about what they should do during the summer. (Lectures, period, are ineffective with teens.) Instead, find activities that you can do with them. You don’t have to spend every waking moment with your teen, but take some time to take them shopping, go to a movie, or out for a coffee. Keep it relaxed and let your teen open up to you in their own time and way. Summertime is a great time to reconnect with your teen. Don’t let these weeks go by without taking this time to slow down and just be together.
Encourage Physical Activity – Take time to learn or play a new sport with your teen. Not only will this help your teen be more active during the summer, it’ll help you get some much needed exercise, too. Boys in particular are more likely to enjoy “side by side” activities. These are often great times to open dialogue with your son about important issues. Give tennis, swimming, cycling, or rollerblading a try. You both will benefit your health and well being.
Parents all over the country complain that their teens get lazy during the summer break. But teens, just like toddlers, need guidance, clear communication, and reminders of your expectations in order to be successful. These tips should get you well on your way. Ask your teen if there are things they’d like to accomplish before school starts, and then help them to meet those goals.
Need More Help?
Here are three guides to help you reconnect with your teen, so you can help them with the rocky road of being a teenager.
1. If you’re gearing up for another summer with your teen and want to dread trying to keep them occupied, happy and out of trouble, check out School’s Out for plenty of expert resources to make it a great summer.
2. Real Life Guidance to Understanding Your Teen shows you how to accept what you can and cannot control in your teen’s life, how to cope with mood swings, keeping the lines of communication open.
3. Real Life Guidance to Helping Your Teen in High School includes practical suggestions to help your child find his/her identity, avoid bullies, handle peer pressure and more.
Grab them all to be armed with the easy-to-follow advice at your fingertips. They’re available for instant download, which means you can get the help you need any day of the week, even if it’s the middle of the night.
