Preparing Emotionally for the Holidays – By Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC
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Preparing emotionally for the holidays
The holidays can be a time of great stress and also depression for both adults and children. Memories of the past, both positive and negative, can bring sadness into your newly blended family.
Talk about the pain
Children sometimes have trouble expressing their emotions. Little ones may “act out” instead of being able to express their feelings. For younger children, it’s helpful for parents to talk to them and explain that- “I know things are different this year, and everything’s a bit unfamiliar. Your Mom and I still love you very much. The holidays will be different, and we aren’t married anymore, but you are still loved.”
Older kids and teenagers may be able to discuss their feelings. They may ask if Mom and Dad can celebrate the holidays together. If either of their parents has not remarried, this is very confusing for the kids, and gives the impression that Mom and Dad could reunite one day. Don’t celebrate together unless both parents have remarried and you are able to have a happy, civil holiday together.
Be prepared for your ex-spouse to have extra holiday emotions
Your ex-spouse may also be sensitive around the holidays. Small events, such as changing the visitation schedule by a couple of hours may set your ex-spouse into a tizzy. Take a deep breath, and don’t get defensive. Remember that everyone has heightened emotions around the holidays. Try to communicate by text or email, instead of picking up the phone to hear an ex-spouse yelling on the line.
Don’t stress about the details
Everything will not work out perfectly. The kids may transition to your home late, the turkey may not cook completely, or your ex-spouse may even sabotage your holiday meal by stuffing the kids with sweets right before dropping them off to your house. It’s O.K.- really! Just try to relax, life isn’t normally perfect, so don’t expect your holidays to be completely perfect either.
It just gets easier
As the years pass, it will become easier and easier for your blended family to celebrate the holidays together. Children will learn what’s expected of them, memorize the rotation (Am I at Mom or Dad’s house the week before Christmas?) and become accustomed to celebrating with their stepsiblings and stepparents.
Shirley Cress Dudley is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, and a master’s degree in Education. She is the founder of The Blended & Step Family Resource Center offering coaching, ebooks, newsletters, reader’s forum and more. Her website is: www.BlendedFamilyAdvice.com Sign up for a free newsletter and receive The Ten Worst Mistakes You Can Make in a Blended Family.
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Thanks for sharing the link – but unfortunately it seems to be down? Does anybody have a mirror or another source?
Thank you for your wonderful comments. I hope to continue writing articles in a broad range of topics. and would love to know which topics are most relevant to you. I tried the link provided by Ms. Dudley, and it did work for me. Please try again and, if you’re still having difficulty, I will find another way for you to contact her.
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