The Terrible Twos: A Survival Guide

Parents become alarmed when they hear horror stories about the “terrible twos.” Just realize, most parents do survive these “wonderful” years—and you will, too. You just need to understand why your toddler is behaving this way. And, no, it’s not an evil plot to drive you crazy.

By the time your child is two, she is probably walking, talking, and may even be potty trained. She is consumed with thoughts about herself. She’s starting to test her independence; pushing the envelope to see what happens. After all, she truly feels the world revolves around her. Until your child learns how to share, she thinks every toy or piece of food automatically belongs to her.

Toddler tantrums can have a variety of effects on you. Your first thought might be that everyone is watching you and your screaming child. Whether or not that’s true is inconsequential. Getting embarrassed won’t diffuse the situation. Besides, as a parent, you have many more years of “humiliating” situations to look forward to. Stop worrying about what others think during this, or any other delightful, stage. There’s no reason for you to be any more stressed out than you already are.

Here are a few tips to help you cope during tantrums:

Ignore the tantrum. I know this is easier said than done, and far easier to accomplish at home than in public. Nevertheless, you have to do something. One thing you must never do is leave your child unattended in public as a form of punishment. Good behavior in public begins at home. Ignoring a toddler is not harsh. If your child is kicking and screaming for a cookie, continue to talk to him as if he were calm. Eventually, he will get the hint and stop screaming.
Avoid instant gratification. Toddlers know they may be able to get away with more in public than at home. If they see something they want and are denied, they may throw a tantrum right on the spot. Some parents give in to keep their child quiet, but all you’re doing is rewarding bad behavior. A child learns this quickly. The public tantrums will continue once the tyke figures out mom’s going to cave. Simply tell them “no” and keep moving.
Don’t get angry. When you scream and they scream the situation quickly accelerates into an “ugly” scene. You may end up crying while your toddler continues to rant. As a parent, you must remain in control. Your child does not want a maniacal mother any more than you want to be one. In any situation, raised voices mean civilized conversation has ended in favor of basic primal instincts. Use the same calm voice you use when your child is behaving well.
Praise your toddler when she behaves well. Positive reinforcement is better than negative. In the absence of positive attention, a child will behave badly just to get your attention. Acting out and throwing tantrums may be a cry for attention. Don’t let it get to that point. Clap and celebrate when they go to the potty successfully or when they put away their toys. Good manners such as saying “please” and “thank you” deserve a smile and a hand-clap as well.
Run errands after nap time. Kids get punchy when they get tired. A toddler misbehaves more often if he is dragged around when tired. A toddler is not a “little” adult. Understand your child’s limitations and plan around them.
Carry snacks with you. Low blood sugar can lead to tantrums. If you are out longer than anticipated and lunch or dinner time is close at hand, let them eat a healthy snack to keep their hunger pangs at bay and sugar levels stable.
Be consistent in your punishment. At home, you might use “time out” to deal with a temper tantrum. Do the same in public. Sit your child on a bench for five minutes or take them to the car. Eventually they will learn that you are not a pushover and they will begin to behave.

Remember, “This too shall pass,” as you get ready to do battle each day. Above all else, take comfort in the fact that the toddler years are a mere dress rehearsal for the real drama that lies ahead…the teen years.